The Simple Cup of Truth will Change Your Life

Hey there, handsome! Do you love coffee, tea, hot cocoa, etc. but hate slurping scalding hot liquid from your blistered, cupped hands? Dude, I got you! I have a device which will revolutionize the liquid slurping experience.

Behold The Simple Cup of Truth! That’s right, “cup”. It holds the liquid you wish to consume for you, allowing you to use your hands for other things, like shooing away bears.

Allow me to explain. You’ll notice that the “cup” is comprised of two parts joined at two points. The first is the actual “cup” part of the “cup”, by which I mean the cylinder. The perceptive among you may have noted that if one were to pour liquid into a cylinder, it would simply fall through and soil the floor. Guess what, motherfucker? This cylinder has a bottom! The ‘bottom’ of the cup keeps the liquid from spilling out, bringing us to the showstopper.

Attached at two points to the outside of the cylinder you will see a thin hemisphere of baked clay perpendicular to the cylinder wall. Using your thumb and forefingers you can lift the “cup” to your lips and slurp like a gentleperson. Welcome to the aristocracy!

as an additional boon to humanity I have applied positive messages on the outer surface of the cylinder, intended to enlighten and inform. “Music is Good” is a truth both profound and sublime. The Heart of Markness podcast logo is a powerful talisman against nogoodniks and the occasional caribou.

Buy enough to make an igloo of truth in which to repose. Merch of Markness is the place.